I have recently become aware of the fascinating duality that is the human soul. How at once we can know precisely what we should do...and unequivocally decide not to do it. It is as if humans were the most illogical creatures of all. And yet I do believe that the opposite is true -- we are the most logical by far. What other of God's creations can conceive of and understand so many angles to a single situation or circumstance? What other creature can dress up an abstract idea like "love" in such definitive and lasting words? We are logical to a fault. And still...we can throw aside all reason and logic and surprise even ourselves. An example from the quotidian of life: I know that righteousness is the ONLY happiness. I believe it and know it and breathe it. And at any given moment, I can be seen doing something - anything - completely indulgent and sinful. I actually choose unhappiness.
This duality - this inconsistency - this stupidity - weaves its way through every aspect of our lives. But I only want to talk about one specific manifestation right now...and that is the choice I make to feel pain. I have had plenty of opportunites of late to feel the most crippling pain. I have been absolutely paralyzed in every sense of the word for months at a time. It is not because of any situation that I've been in...not really...but simply because I have chosen to feel like crap. Believe me, I am fully aware of how to escape the pain. It's actually a ridiculously simply process. But I ignore that process just to keep myself in the scorching oven. Why?
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